34 weeks old
Bean
beans_journal
Yesterday is the 34th week of my baby on my tummy.  We went to the doctor for our routine check up. 

When i got in she put her fingers in mythingy and then she told me that my cervix is close but she can already feel the baby's head!

THE BABY'S HEAD?????????

She asked me to do some more bedrest as giving birth during these week is still not safe for my baby.

How can i tell her that I cant stay at home as its super hot there and that staying at home will hurt my baby more.  She also asked me to take meds to make Bean my baby calmer.

Prior to our check up i can already feel the baby pushing its way down.. but i thought that I was just imagining it.  I didnt know that he is really pushing his way down.

Ugh!

The doctor said that its safe for me to give birth after 2 weeks but NOT NOW.

I know NOT NOW baby! we still have no savings!!! Daddy will arrive in 4 weeks time not 2!!!!! Pls pretty pls... tho i already want to see you.  i still need time to sort things out here...


Love you baby bean,

MUM!!!!

 

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Bean
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beans_journal
Bean is now 34 weeks :) I can't believe it. I'm writting this out again because explorer has crashed when I was mid type the first time which is annoying as I had a good entry :) Anyhoo. As I said Bean is 34 Weeks!!!!! And we need to to stay in Merlinda's tummy for at least another 2 weeks. Please Bean stay in her tummy for another two weeks! Your daddy is asking you to hold on as long as you can :) I hope you can wait for another 4 weeks but if not make it at least 2 so Merlinda can have a normal birth.

I'm sleepy now. It's been a long day. I haven't really done much this evening. I went to the super market and did some food shopping but other then that I've stayed quiet. Tomorrow I'll go swimming :D Hopefully my tummy won't be hurting by then.

Sorry I'm babbling on. Oh I've found a good camcorder that I can get to record Beans first days. I think I need to get a good camera so that I will have lots of footage of Bean to show my mother. She would kill me otherwise. We can send it across every day so she can see Bean too :D Oh I suppose we could do a web cam linkup so she can talk to us. I should teach her how before the 23rd.

My last entry that I lost was so much better then this *sigh* :P Oh well I'll write a better entry tomorrow I promise. Loves you my Merlinda. Loves you Bean!!!!!

This is me signing off until tomorrow :) xxxxxxxx

Friday night feeling blue
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beans_journal

I love you my Merlinda. With every fiber of my being I love you and I will look after you forevermore even when you are telling me to leave you alone. I understand that it is tough for you and I would do anything within my power to remove any hardships that you are facing. I hope you realise that It isn't easy for me too. When you are going for scans or to see the doctor and I don't hear any news I go crazy with the not knowing. I just want to know that you and Bean are okay. When you shut me out and don't tell me things it really takes it out of me. Do you remember when that stupid old man smacked me in the head with his kayak. I think I should really get my head checked out as I think I might have had a fracture with the weird pains I've had in the area of the knock but I can't because I am applying for life insurance so that you and Bean have some security so I'm scared that if I go and they find something wrong they will not give me the insurance I need in place to look after you both were the worse to happen :( I'm sure I'm okay but at the same time I haven't felt right since. You know I've been scared to sketch because I was worried that the creativity had been knocked out of me. Silly I know but I really didn't feel myself for a long time after and I lost my confidence that I could draw. If you think that I am ever not thinking of you and Bean nothing is further then the truth everything I do is with you and Bean at the forefront of my mind. I weigh every decision and am constantly thinking of the future. I need to sort out the flights and I will look at that this weekend. I really need you to ask your doctor for her opinion of when to book the flights for, if she thinks a week either side of your due date is the way to go or not. Tomorrow my mum wants to go to this baby shop in Newport. They will have a sale in a few months time and I think she wants to have a look and see what kinds of things we can pick up. I'm kind of pissed that James is back in Weston I thought I would finally get some rest from him. I'm sure he will bug me this weekend wanting to go out kayaking because the sun is out and it's finally starting to get hotter here. I want to have a weekend to myself though. He pesters me far too much to do stuff. I'm sure he will use the fact that it was his birthday on Wednesday against me. But I'm going to ignore him as I don't want anyones company this weekend and I have the counter excuse that it is my Sisters birthday this Sunday. I love you Merlinda and I hope that you will let me talk to you again soon. I'm going to leave you in peace for the next few days. I love you Merlinda, I LOVE YOU!!!!!!
 



Wednesday night
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beans_journal

It's been a long time since I posted an entry. Sorry for neglecting the journal. I just felt too stressed to work on it when we found out that you had diabetes. I was too worried to type. And to be honest I didn't want to write any fears down on the journal because I didn't want to upset you. I'm sure that you will be okay though and I am praying to god every day telling him to look after you and Bean. We are almost at the 7 month mark now :) I cant belive how quickly the time has gone. Bean will soon be out with us. Our Bean! :) I still can't believe it. He's amazing. Work is going okay at the moment but I've been feeling really sleepy this week. I'm sorry if I have sound a bit sluggish on the phone these last few days. My body feels like it is on catch up and my mind is a day or so behind. I don't like feeling dopey >:P I need to start going to bed early. It's probably a headcold coming on or something. I felt a bit odd at work today. Kind of dizzy. I'm sure it's nothing though just because of the lack of sleep. Loves you my Merlinda! I'll be back to type more tomorrow :)



Thursday :)
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beans_journal
 I'm not long up and I'm still feeling a little sleepy. I'm really happy today :D Now that I know Bean is okay. I'm not going to relax though until I hear that your blood sugar level is back down and that you have increased your iron levels too! Kep drinking water and eating healthy. I love you my dearest Merlinda. I heard from James last night I called him to find out if he was in Plymouth. He is going on Friday. He sais he didn't want to leave Natalie with rent to pay thats why he has waited till the end of the week. I'm going to sign off now and give you a call :) Maybe you will be working so I'll just ring for 6 rings then I'll text you if you don't answer. LOVES YOU LOVES YOU LOVES YOU!!!!! I hope that you and Bean have a great day my love :D

Monday Afternoon
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beans_journal
 I'm home and the day at work went okay :) I am feeling sleepy now though I'll be back to edit this entry later on :D

Monday morning
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beans_journal
 I'm up and ready for work :) At least I'm up and dressed that is! I feel sleepy I didn't get to bed until late James stayed late. And I stayed up recording Lemony Snicket. I need to keep this entry short as I still need to prepair lunch. I hope your test goes well today *hugs* My thoughts are with you and Bean. Loves you my wifey pooh *kisses* I wonder when you will get a chance to log on and read this journal again :-/

Sunday night
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beans_journal
It's Sunday night and I'm feeling sleepy I'll call you in a bit. James turned up to see if I was okay after the exam :) He is moving to Plymouth to be with Misty on Tuesday. Natalie made up his mind when she said something really evil about me :( She is plain nastiness through and through. I wont repeat what she said but believe me when I say that it wasn't very nice. Anyway she isn't worth worrying over :) I'm just glad that James will finally be free of her! He is actually starting to get really excited about it now that his mind is made up. I think judging by the way he was talking he is seeing the move as a good opportunity to sort things out in his life. He was showing me places we can kayak in the areas around Plymouth and all the places we can visit. Sorry I'll stop babbling on about James I'm just excited for him. I'm happy that he will make a go of things with Misty and that he will be there when the baby is delivered. Misty is due to give birth on Wednesday. 

I sent you three recordings of the Lemony Snicket book :D I would have done more but James tired me out. He was here for a long time. So that's why I've been too tired to do much else tonight. He was talking about going on a camping trip so it looks like in the next couple of weeks we will be going somewhere to sleep under the stars :) I'm going to try and remember to take the camera in to work with me tomorrow so I can put up photo's on Facebook for you to see what it looks like :D Anyway I need to call you and to get clothes washed ready for tomorrow so I'll sign off here until tomorrow. Loves you my dearest Merlinda! Loves you Bean! x x x x x x x x 

I can't believe I fell asleep!
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beans_journal
 I've not long woken up. I've been feeling a bit sleepy today. I've been walking about releasing air intermittently throughout the day :p But I'm starting to feel normal again now. I'm going to spend the evening writing and reading baby magazines oh and finally recording Lemony Snicket :D 

Sunday sat at home looking at the Lemony Snicket book
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beans_journal
Hello my love :) I've just got off the phone to you. I'm thinking of recording myself reading Lemony Snicket for Bean :D I have the MP3 player here ready. They are really short books I'm half way through already and I've only picked it up once or twice. 

My tummy hurts a bit today but I think it's trapped air. It's funny I thought I wouldn't remember a thing about the exam or that I would be groggy all the way through it but they must have just injected me with water or something because I didn't feel drugged at all. It was weird watching the nurse put the needle in my arm. It went in just a little bit and I thought oh it doesn't go far then she pushed the rest of it in :P I didn't mind that it was when she injected water into my arm that I felt a little feint. It's because I've never seen that done before so it was a little strange to watch. I'm sure I'll be okay next time anyone has to do anything like that to my arm, it felt really strange :) Sorry I'll stop going on about gory things :D I'm just going to spend today recovering. Recovering means mostly farting air out :P They went further in this exam but I found it easier :-/ Maybe just because I kind of knew what to expect so I wasn't as stressed. I'll spend today writing and sketching :D But only after I've rested a bit more I still feel a little sleepy. Loves you my dearest Merlinda! Loves you my son! I'll be back later on tonight to write another entry :D

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